The Power of Humility Part II: Finding Happiness

How can being humble help you find happiness? First, let us revisit our definition of humility, provided to us by Andrew Murray; “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less often.” Oftentimes when we focus on ourselves, whether it be the problems we face, our shortcomings or what we do not have, it leads to discontent. We start focusing only on what we think we should have, rather than what we already have. It can be anything – a characteristic, power, money or a relationship.

Remember your blessings

The other day I had to go to the grocery store and found myself getting frustrated and starting to complain about how busy it was, how inconsiderate other people can be, you name it. However, I took a step back and tried to focus on how fortunate I was to be able to go to the store in the first place. I have enough money to buy groceries and have access to a grocery store that is fully stocked. And at first glance, this seems like something that everyone has access to, but that’s not necessarily true. There are people in our own country struggling to put food on the table and provide for their families, not to mention other countries where people are starving. I took the focus off of myself and instead focused on others, and that allowed me to manifest gratefulness.

I try to let go of anger as often as possible because it often leads to ruminating, and that is when resentment and discontentment sneak into your life. Focusing on others can bring contentment that being self-absorbed does not. Focusing on yourself is a recipe for a constant pity party about how busy you are and how hard your life is. And that’s not to say that you’re not busy or that your life isn’t hard sometimes. It’s more of a reminder that a lot of other people are experiencing the same problems you are.

Keep moving forward

Anger and sadness are not necessarily evil feelings that need to be avoided. There are many situations where these complicated emotions are completely appropriate, but it’s dangerous to sit with them for long periods of time. It’s important to learn how to process your feelings in a healthy way, and then move past them. However, our brains love to focus on the negative, and it often seems like we Americans are more guilty of this than most other parts of the world.

For example, people in Chicago love to complain about the weather. I was talking to a friend of mine who moved here from out of state, and I commented on how I was frustrated with the weather and how hot it was, and he pointed out to me that I was the fourth person to mention it that day. In Chicago, it’s almost like second nature to complain about the weather, everyone does it. But is it helpful to us or anyone else? When we complain, our brains are self-focused and generally pretty unhappy. Being humble enough to acknowledge that yes, it is annoyingly hot, but that you are also blessed enough to be alive and experiencing another humid midwest summer will bring happier vibes into your life.

Entitlement and humility don’t mix

Another way humility helps bring happiness into our lives is that is combats feelings of entitlement. It helps erase phrases like, “I deserve this” or “I should have this” from being our immediate reactions to wanting something. And obviously, sometimes we do deserve that promotion or that extra acknowledgment, but think about how often you think you deserve something simply because you desire it.

When we think we deserve everything we want, whether it be respect or a promotion, and get upset when we are denied, we are rejecting humility and embracing unhappiness. We pout and ruminate on why we should have gotten it, instead of contemplating the reasons we did not. Humility allows us to say, “I am content with what I have, and I will work harder to achieve the things I do not.” Conditioning ourselves to react with humility instead of with indignation helps us recognize how fortunate we are, and creates learning experiences that lead to personal growth. 

Serve others

Remember, one of the best ways to use humility to bring happiness is to serve others. Seeing the profound effect that your help can have on other people’s lives brings joy and happiness. Serving others is a great way to do something altruistic, and find contentment in your life.

Finally, one of the biggest enemies to humility is pride. Being too prideful can lead to a variety of issues in life, primarily in social circles. It’s a no-brainer – people would much rather be around a humble person than someone who is displaying arrogance. Humility is about listening to others and gaining new knowledge, while pride keeps you from truly hearing what others are saying to you. It keeps you focused only on yourself, rather than connecting with others and forming meaningful relationships that will also help you grow as a person.

If you are struggling with the idea of humility, and need help finding your way down a better path to personal growth, then we’re here to help. Please reach out to us, and we can connect you with a therapist who is the best fit for your mental health journey.