Fine. We’ll Talk About It Next Year

There was a different version of this article. It was a lot more fun to write. You won’t be seeing it.

On Saturday night in Cleveland, the Guardians beat the White Sox 2-0 in Game 5 of the American League Division Series. The Sox were up two games to none in that series. Then they lost three straight. Cleveland goes on to play the Rays, and the South Side goes home.

So, a confession.

In 2015, I wrote an article called “Why Being a Cubs Fan May Be Bad for Your Mental Health.” In it, I said something I’m now regretting: “As a White Sox fan, I’m never disappointed, because I don’t expect much.”

That worked great for about ten years. Then this team came along. Two years after losing 121 games, more than any team in the modern era, the White Sox made the playoffs. They swept the Astros. They took the first two games against Cleveland. And somewhere in there, I started expecting a lot.

I was disappointed. It turns out my advice applies to me, too.

The Cubs, for their part, were swept by the Padres in the Wild Card Series, and their season ended on September 30. So for the first time in a while, both sides of town have something in common. We’re all home in October, and we’d rather not talk about it.

But let’s talk about it a little, because there are some real lessons here.

Disappointment is the price of caring

My old “don’t expect much” approach protected me from pain. It also protected me from joy. I would not trade this September for anything, even knowing how it ended.

That’s true of more than baseball. When we stop hoping so we can’t get hurt, we don’t actually avoid the hurt. We just miss the good parts. It hurts because it mattered. That’s not a problem to fix. That’s what caring costs.

Don’t rewrite the whole season because of the last game

When something ends badly, our minds love to go back and repaint the whole thing. “It was all a waste.” “I knew it was too good to be true.” Counselors call this all or nothing thinking, and it shows up everywhere, from a breakup to a bad review at work.

The truth is usually bigger than the last chapter. The White Sox were the first team ever to reach the playoffs after back-to-back 100 loss seasons. The Cubs had the highest scoring offense in baseball. One bad week doesn’t erase that. One hard season of your life doesn’t erase everything good in it either.

Keep it light

In 2016, I wrote about how Joe Maddon kept the Cubs loose under huge expectations. I still think that’s wise. No matter how bleak things look, it’s important to find the fun in each day.

So here’s my contribution. Cubs fans, you no longer have to say “1908” to start a conversation with me. I’ve given you a whole new set of numbers.

Find your people

Years ago, I pointed out that Chicago baseball heartbreak is endless conversation fuel. Say “2003” to a Cubs fan or “1994” to a Sox fan and you’ll be there a while. That’s not all bad. Shared pain can bring people together.

This week, call the friend who’s hurting with you. Even if they root for the other team. Especially if they root for the other team.

The sun will come out tomorrow

In an election year a while back, I reminded people that their candidate had lost before and the sun still came up the next day. It did on Sunday, too. I checked.

Perspective doesn’t mean pretending it doesn’t sting. It means letting it sting and then setting it down. That’s what “we’ll talk about it next year” really is. It’s a boundary and a hope in the same sentence.

So what can we do?

Feel it. Then let it go. Enjoy the rest of October if you can, and remember that it’s just a game. The players are not heroes, but imperfect humans just like us.

If the sadness hangs around after the final out, or starts touching your sleep, your work, or the people you love, it might be about more than baseball. That’s worth a conversation. Stenzel Clinical has over 30 therapists in Wheaton, Naperville and Geneva, and there’s no waitlist. Call us at 630.588.1201 or reach out through our contact page.

Fine. We’ll talk about it next year.

Find Hope. Live Well.