The Healing Power of Positive Self-Talk

There’s one person that we all have to spend 24 hours a day with, 365 days a year (or 366 days if a leap year like 2020) – ourselves. And to be honest, spending all that time together can be difficult. Think about all the things you say to yourself throughout the day. How many of your thoughts are meant to lift you up, and how many bring you down? Who we believe we are and our self-worth are all connected to whether our self-talk is positive or negative.

We say things to ourselves that we’d never say to another person. If your coworker forgot their phone and started calling themselves an idiot over it, you probably wouldn’t agree with them! In fact, you’re likely to tell that them that while it’s unfortunate, we all forget things sometimes. But how often do we offer this same understanding to ourselves? How likely are we to call ourselves an idiot for forgetting our phone or other similar circumstances? Most of us could benefit from introducing more positive self-talk into our lives.

What is positive self-talk?

For many, this phrase might bring cheap pop psychology to mind – perhaps something similar to Stuart Smalley from SNL. And while those skits are certainly good for a laugh, the truth is that positive self-talk is a psychological tool that really works. As I already pointed out, we all have our own internal dialogue that’s constantly reacting to our lives and helps frame our self-worth. One of the best things we can do to promote hope and encouragement in the way we see ourselves is to work on getting that inner dialogue to say more positive, optimistic things every day.

Of course, this is easier said than done. It’s one thing to say, “I’m going to be more positive” and another thing entirely to achieve it. The change won’t happen overnight, but there are strategies that can be used to become a little gentler with yourself.

Normalize your mistakes

I know we’ve all heard it a thousand times before, but everyone makes mistakes. Think of the smartest, most capable person you know. Yes, even them! A lot of the time, what’s behind our insecurity about our missteps is a desire to be perfect. But no one is perfect, and you’re allowed to feel good about yourself even when you haven’t achieved this elusive goal.

Contemplate the negative things you think on a regular basis, write them down if you have to. Every time you find yourself thinking these things or something similar, take a moment to try and counter with a thought that’s the opposite.

Do you think about how worthless you are every time you make a mistake? Try to think about the last compliment someone gave you, or something you achieved recently. Try to remind yourself that your mistakes or shortcomings don’t define your self-worth, and that you’re a person who has integrity – who is growing and learning.

You might struggle with finding encouraging things to say at first, and that’s fine! Learning to incorporate positive self-talk into your life is a process. To get you started, try saying things like:

• I’ve done this before, and I can do it again.
• It doesn’t matter if I make a mistake, because I’m still growing in this area.
• I can do it!
• If I keep trying, eventually I’ll be successful.
• I might not be good at this right now, but I will be.
• If I want to, I can.

As you practice, it’ll get easier to find more specific things to say. If you’re still struggling, then try to remind yourself of what you are good at. It’ll be more productive than focusing on what you’re not, because shame is never an effective tool for change.

I’ve helped people whose biggest hurdle in accepting positive self-talk was letting go of this very emotion. It was bringing nothing but negativity to their lives, but they were afraid that it was the only thing keeping them from making bad decisions. If you find yourself believing that the only way to move forward is to abuse yourself into compliance, try remembering the way you’d speak to a friend or a child again. Would you use this same tactic with them? Not every day is going to be a positive one, but we can all work to maintain those little rays of light even in our darkest moments.

Believe the compliments!

For many who struggle with self-talk, false humility can be a comfort. They tend to reject compliments because they’re afraid that thinking too much of themselves makes them a bad person. And while humility is a trait to be admired, there’s a fine line between being humble and thinking too little of yourself. Give more thought to the nice things people say about you. Chances are that it’s the exact opposite of some of your most constant negative thoughts.

When someone gives you a compliment, let yourself believe it instead of immediately rejecting the idea that others see worth in you. Allowing yourself to believe positive things doesn’t make you self-centered or egotistical, in fact, it’ll only create more kindness in your life! When we’re positive about ourselves, we’re more likely to be encouraging towards others as well. Take that compliment and give one right back, you might even end up lending a helping hand to someone else who struggles with positive self-talk.

As always, we are here to help. If you’re struggling with being kind to yourself or intrusive negative thoughts, reach out to us. Your journey to better health is waiting.