The Power of Humility: Overcoming Anxiety

In the wise words of Andrew Murray, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less often.”

Oftentimes, we are anxious about other people’s perceptions of us. This can manifest in a variety of ways, such as a constant worry that making a mistake will cause friends or co-workers to laugh at us, and think less of us overall. We are afraid of people judging us, not liking us, or feeling like a fool. For example, think about how much effort you put into your outfit in the morning and how much of that stems from wanting others to think of you a certain way.

I have seen this type of anxiety affect a lot of my clients. It’s very common for someone to tell me about problems they’re having at work, but then also say that they do not want to confront their boss because of the perceived repercussions from speaking up. It’s also common for them to have issues with their neighbor’s behavior, but resist speaking up because they do not want to impose on them and risk people changing their opinion of them. Many of my clients don’t even realize that these aren’t casual worries, but are instead signs of anxiety.

How humility can help

Practicing being humble can help those who suffer from anxiety be less laser-focused on how people see them, and help them embrace their true selves as well. Often, anxiety stems from the thought that people will not like the real version of ourselves. The reality is that some people might not like you, and that is okay! There are a lot of reasons that someone might not like you, but it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. For example, some might dislike you for choosing to do the right thing in a hard situation, and those are people you do not want in your life. I’ve heard the phrase “At the end of the day, I would rather be excluded for who I include than included for who I exclude,” and I think it’s a great motto to live by.

Try to remember that it is impossible to please everyone. Everyone is different, and if you try to be someone that everyone will like, then you will spend your life living for the approval of others, and not for yourself. If you fall into that trap, you’ll only end up disappointed time and time again. And you’ll only end up hurting your mental health because spending too much energy focusing on what others want is something that often creates anxiety.

Practicing humility

The next time you are talking to someone, try to focus on the conversation, instead of worrying what they think of you. One of my clients once struggled with worrying that everyone was thinking about them, and judging them, every time they entered a room. The ironic part is that everyone was probably thinking something similar, meaning no one was thinking about them at all!

If your anxiety makes it difficult to make friends, try to be present with the person you are with. Be interested in them. Learn about them by listening to their story, and grow from their perspective. We lose that if we focus on how they view us. After all, the opposite of being anxious is being present.

Anxiety tends to focus on what could happen in the future, while being present is about enjoying what is happening right now. Being present is one of the greatest gifts that you can give, and part of being humble is learning to focus on others, rather than on yourself all the time. You want people to pay attention to you when you are talking, so grant them the same courtesy.

Being curious is also part of learning humility. When you meet someone, be curious about who they are and what you can learn from them. Listen and learn about their story. If you think you already know everything, then there’s a chance that you’re coming across as arrogant.  If you humble yourself and can accept that you do not know everything, you will have much deeper relationships with others. A great professor I once knew said, “Do you believe that you have something to learn from each and every conversation you have with someone?”

Humility helps us learn to flourish while arrogance keeps our minds closed. People want to be known, accepted, and heard. Arrogant people do not give them that courtesy, so give the gift that you would want to receive. Be humble, be focused on others. The more focused on yourself you are, the more chances you’re giving yourself to feel anxious about your interactions with others. If you focus on what you can learn from today and are present with people, it can help reduce your anxiety.

This is the first part of our “Power of Humility” series, so be sure to check back in for the next article. And if you are struggling with anxiety, know that you are not alone. Here at Stenzel Clinical Services, we have over 40 trained therapists that can help you cope with all the stressors of life.