Holding on to Your Joy During an Election Year

Conversations about politics are hard to escape in any given year, but it’s always difficult when a presidential election is looming. And with THIS presidential election, it’s nearly impossible.

It’s not just the news cycle that gets harder to avoid. Even everyday conversation with people who aren’t generally interested in politics often pivots to the topic. After all, everyone has something to say when it’s an election year.

During these times, one of the biggest things I notice is how much more of what my clients talk about is influenced by politics. It’s not necessarily that they want to talk about politics during their sessions, but the ways in which these emotionally charged conversations affect their relationships. There are more stories about fights with loved ones, more stress about navigating political conversations at work and just more fear about interacting with people on a day-to-day basis.

They all want the answer for how to deal with the emotions that elections seem to create, and I don’t have a solid answer that works for everyone. But, as always, I do have some advice.

1. Get your social media use under control

 My first piece of advice is always to stay off social media as much as possible. Facebook is one of the top instigators of the disagreements I help others work through. Elections have a tendency to take someone’s feed that is usually filled with pictures of people’s children and pets and turn it into minefield of snippy political memes. Everyone thinks their cute post explains the complex and varied stances people take, but everything our government does is way more complex than any meme can convey. And sharing these is very rarely for a lighthearted laugh, and instead is almost always about feeling smug and superior. Obviously, that’s going to rub a lot of people the wrong way. The itch to respond is there and it’s hard to ignore.

I wish my advice could be as simple as, “stop it.” In a perfect world, we’d stop sharing these toxic things and we’d stop responding to them, too. But we’re all flawed, so I’d like to remind you that you don’t have to react and you don’t have to start a fight. Arguing in the comments section of someone’s post is never going to change anyone’s mind. Not a soul has ever changed because someone came up with the perfect, condescending comeback to their beliefs in a social media comment. Save the conversations for the real world, with people that you can have calm, respectful discussion with. Leave those memes behind.

I know it’s unrealistic to ask everyone to stay off all social media for the entire election cycle, but there are other things you can do to limit the amount of political conversation you’re exposed to on a daily basis.

• Mute people if you have to. You’ll remain friends, but you won’t see their posts unless you go to their page. Every platform has this option.
• Problems with instigators? Facebook and Instagram have “close friends” options that allow you to choose who can see and interact with your posts.
• Platforms like Twitter allow you to mute not only users, but words and phrases as well

Curating what shows up in your feed goes beyond people you disagree with. It can be just as stressful to see constant political posts, even from people you agree with. Sometimes, I actually feel more upset by their posts than anyone else’s. When they post condescending things out of anger, it makes my beliefs look worse. Then I have to sit with those negative emotions as well.

In summary: Do what’s best for your mental health, even if that means taking a break from all political talk altogether. After all, none of these settings on social media are permanent, and they can be changed right back when you feel ready to engage again. If you’re not sure how to adjust these settings, ask for help from someone who does. You never know; you might end up getting help from someone you’ve found yourself disagreeing with a lot lately.

2. Find that common ground

I know I’ve talked about the James 1:19 challenge a lot, but that’s because it works! Being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry is one of the best ways to avoid falling into another political argument. Believe it or not, you can sit calmly and listen to someone’s opinion without responding with one of your own. If you really listen, instead of waiting to respond, you might learn a thing or two about why they hold the beliefs that they do.

Instead of immediately trying to change their minds, sit with what you’ve learned. Not only will you come to understand them better, but if you do want to engage in further political conversations, you’ll have a better starting point for shaping a convincing counter-argument. There is a huge difference between a conversation and an argument. Think about which one you want to have before you respond.

Chances are that you’re not looking to have an argument, so find something to talk about besides politics! Think of the things you used to talk about before the election, and steer the conversation to those topics. If you experience pushback, it might be time to work on setting healthy boundaries about what you’re willing to discuss while in their company. But chances are your loved ones don’t realize how you ended up talking about politics again either, and will be happy for the change in topic.

3. Get involved!

Keeping your joy intact during an election year doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding politics at all costs. I think a lot of people feel so angry because there’s so much change they want to see in the world, but they feel powerless to help move it along. The fact is that getting who you think is the right person into the White House doesn’t mean that all of our dreams of change are going to happen. Even though I think we can all agree that our government is broken and isn’t functioning how it should, it’s still a better government than most. We don’t live in a dictatorship, and there are checks and balances in place for every president. No matter who wins, that person will not be able to wave a magic wand that solves all the problems you have with our current government.

With that being said, one of the best ways to ease anxiety about the direction our country is heading is to personally get involved with politics. You can volunteer for your chosen candidate during a presidential election, but there’s plenty to be done at the local level as well. One of the best ways to be the change that you want to see is to be passionate about the process from the ground up. Most of the things you’re worried about are probably going to be handled by your state and local governments, and helping candidates you believe in is going to do more to ease that feeling of helplessness than arguing with your loved ones about presidential candidates ever will. And even if you don’t have any interest in getting involved with politics, there are a lot of good causes you can volunteer your time to as well.

You might not have time to volunteer, and that’s fine, too. There are always other ways to contribute. In fact, one of my clients came up with something I found quite clever. It was a “swear jar,” but for politics. Every time they found themselves getting into arguments in person or online, or even thinking too hard about a comment someone made in passing, they put a little bit of money into the jar. At the end of the month, they donated the full amount to a charity of their choice. Donating the money made them feel better, but also seeing how much was in the jar helped them put into perspective just how much of their energy was going into feeling upset about politics. There’s so much good in the world, and so much we can add to it. We just have to find it!

If you’re having a hard time finding the good in the world, then please reach out to us. Together, we can find a way to manage your fear, anxiety and anger so you can find your joy again.