When choosing a therapist, it is important to consider their Areas of Practice. specializes in:

When choosing a therapist, it is important to consider their Areas of Practice. specializes in:

When choosing a therapist, it is important to consider their Areas of Practice. specializes in:

If this article caught your attention, it means you are human. Every human, whether they want to admit it or not, have insecurities. In fact, the most secure people are those who can admit they have faults. They can look at life and realize that they do have faults, struggles, worries and problems. They realize that life is not perfect. Insecurity, on the other hand, makes us defend ourselves.

Know that not everything is personal

Last night I was having dinner with my wife, and she was giving me a very fair critique of how I am running a certain aspect of the company. Instead of listening to her and her ideas, I became defensive. My insecurities made me feel like she was not only attacking my company, but also me as a person. My worth was wrapped up in something that I built, and I was unwilling to accept someone giving me constructive criticism on how she thought things could be done in a better way.

Why was I so unwilling to take advice from my wife? Because we often have more emotional attachments to beliefs than we care to admit.

This morning I apologized to her, and part of my apology was acknowledging that I was being defensive because I was taking her ideas personally, and that I’d missed out on her ideas because of my insecurity. She was not trying to hurt me or tear me down, but rather build me up and let me know when something could have been operating smoother. It’s important to be able to step back and acknowledge this whenever our insecurities start wreaking havoc on our relationships.

That’s easier said than done, because taking criticism is a difficult hurdle to overcome when we feel insecure. And even mental health professionals need a little guidance sometimes. Great therapists that I know have called me out and said “I do not think what you are doing is the right idea, why don’t you try it this way next time?” They were able to confront me and help me, and being able to accept their criticism ended up helping the company as well. I grew and became better once I listened to other people. Being insistent on staying set in our ways will never foster the growth that we all need to become stronger, better people.

Learn to listen

Feeling unsure often makes us lash out and refuse to listen. It can cause us to be judgmental, to put others down to build ourselves up. You might know someone who you consider a bully, and it’s probably easy to see how a lot of their behavior stems from insecurity. But when we are judgmental, we lose the opportunity to connect with others who are different and can help our lives become more well-rounded. And if we deny them the chance to share a part of themselves with us, then we might miss out on a relationship that could help us grow and become a better person.

Don’t let it feed your fears

Anxiety and feelings of inadequacy often go hand-in-hand. We become so worried about something going wrong, or that doing something will cause others to not like us. And all of the overthinking can lead to feeling anxious about doing anything at all. At the end of the day, we are afraid of what will happen because we do not believe in who we are. But when I talk about having security in ourselves, I am not talking about self-esteem. Our security should be grounded in reality.

Take a good look at your strengths and weaknesses. Try to see your strengths for what they are and be content knowing you are good at those aspects of life. Then, think about the areas of life that you are not so great in, and try to remember that it’s okay to not excel at everything. After all, no one is good at everything. Even Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player to ever play the game, is a less than successful basketball owner. He has never owned a winning team! Admitting your weaknesses can help you recognize the problem areas in your life, and make it easier to accept help from others. Someone secure in themselves will not overblow their strengths. They will admit where they are weak, and realize that their strengths are what make them special.

Don’t let jealousy win

All too often we envy other people’s strengths instead of being thankful for our own. Look closely at who you are and who God uniquely created you to be. Psalm 139:13-14 says: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.” God created you to be you, not to try to emulate someone else.

Your specific strengths help make your community better. In America, we often focus too heavily on certain strengths, such as good looks or athletic ability. We let ourselves succumb to the trap of thinking that those are the ideal strengths to have, and feel insecure when our strengths do not align with what we’ve been led to think is the ideal. Remember that a lot of the strengths you’re jealous of others for having will fade over time. It’s better to find personal security in solid character and being comfortable with your weaknesses. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses will allow you to surround yourself with those who are strong in your areas that you are not, and they can help bring more balance to your life. Find people that build you up, and that you can build up as well.

Treating others well and trying your best to always do the right thing is another way to battle insecurity. That great feeling you get when you help someone can help reinforce your sense of self-security.

You have options

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, focuses on doing the right behavior, and that the thoughts and emotions will change after that. It can help you become the person that you want to be. But even with the right therapy, you still need to listen, use self-discipline, and show kindness. Another option is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, which is all about changing your thought patterns. We all have a negative inner critic that encourages us to think in negative ways. CBT focuses on quieting that critic in order to change the way we think about ourselves. When your inner critic is too loud, shut it down. Speak to yourself, don’t listen to yourself. Speak truth into your life. When you start to think differently, your perception of problems can change as well.

At Stenzel Clinical Services, we are here to help. We have a variety of therapists that are trained in ACT and CBT counseling, as well as many other therapeutic techniques that can help with feelings of insecurity. With our team of over 40 therapists, we can make sure that you find the one that will best fit with you. You can always can find hope, and we are here to help you do it.

It’s better to find personal security in solid character and being comfortable with your own weaknesses.

By Grant Stenzel, MS Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Recent Posts

  • Top 7 Self-Care Practices

Top 7 Self-Care Practices

In a world that continuously pulls us in multiple directions, self-care is extremely important. With thoughtful practices tailored to [...]

  • Relationships and Attachments

Strongly Attached

Think you've mastered the art of hiding your emotions from your partner? Well - consider it  again. A new [...]