Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

If you’re having a hard time getting relationships to stick and feeling like you’re unlucky in love don’t worry, that’s actually pretty normal. According to the U.S. Census, in 2017 45.2% of the American adult population was single. This means that people are spending more time dating in their adult lives rather than settling down earlier on. With the addition of online dating it has never been easier to meet a lot of different people. But how do you know when you’ve found the right person? Here are a few steps you can take to help yourself find someone that you connect to and see a future with.

Take A Good Look at Yourself

When counseling divorcees or anyone who is struggling to break into the dating scene, one of the first things I discuss is how they assess their own value. The people we choose often have a lot to do with our own sense of self-worth. That old saying, “No one will love you if you don’t love yourself first” might seem cheesy, but there is truth in it.

If you don’t see yourself as someone who is worthy of love and respect, then chances are that you’ve formed a habit of dating people who treat you the same way. And when you date someone who treats you better, it might feel strange because you’re not used to someone thinking more of you. In the end, you need to be with someone who sees value in you. Learning to see that same value in yourself is the first step in finding the right person.

It’s also important to set healthy boundaries and use assertive communication early in the relationship. Let your partner and know what is important to you. For example, if you’re sensitive to being yelled at then let them know that you won’t tolerate them raising their voice at you. However, it’s not enough to just say this, you have to hold strong to it as well.

Boundaries can cover many facets of life such as communication, intimacy and relationship roles. If your partner loves and respects you, they will honor your boundaries. They will not fight against them, pressure you, or attempt to manipulate you into changing them. If they do, then this is a red flag that they are not the right person for you!

Decide What You Want from Others

Before you start looking for a serious partner it is important to figure out what characteristics and ideals you are looking for, and figure out what your deal breakers might be. Write down a list of the top five nonnegotiable factors that you want in your relationship. These might revolve around religious beliefs, family planning, preferred love languages, or something as simple as whether or not they like dogs.

These are just a few examples of what to consider, but having a list of the things you don’t want to compromise on will help you find someone who has similar interests and goals. Rushing into into a relationship generally isn’t healthy, so make sure you’re taking the time you need to make sure that this person is a good fit for you.

It is also important to ask your partner about their childhood. Ask them about their parents and the way they were raised. Often times we grow up to be like our parents, for better or for worse. This might seem insignificant early on, but if you’re someone who grew up in a very frugal family and they grew up with parents who taught them irresponsible spending habits it can spell disaster in the future. This is just one example, but if poor financial habits is one of your deal breakers then this is important information to know.

How to Actually Find People

Part of picking the right person is casting a wide net, and online dating is a great way to do this. Nearly 50 million people in America have tried their hand at online dating. There are over 8,000 dating sites. Some of them are general, such as Match.com or ChristianMingle.com, while others cater to more specific groups of people. And if you looking to meet people with similar interests without the pressure of romance off the bat,  Meetup.com is a great option.

If you really want to meet people the old fashioned way, then try hanging out in places that will have others with interests similar to yours. If you like playing volleyball, sign up for a volleyball league and get to know your teammates. Or join a book club if you enjoy reading. If you’re a dog enthusiast, dog parks can be a great way to meet other people. There are a ton of options out there, many churches even have groups specifically for single adults.

Once you figure out what values you cherish and what you value in a partner, you can tip the scales in your favor. It is okay if you do not find someone right away; relationships take time and effort. Make sure that you are looking for someone who lifts you up, and that you lift up as well. If you’re struggling to maintain healthy relationships and need a little help, reach out to us.