Does Your Empty Nest Need Re-Feathering?

Research shows that a person experiencing an empty nest can sometimes have behavioral symptoms, cognitive impairment, and even some symptoms of depression (Bougea, Despoti, & Vasilopoulos, 2019). All of that is a natural response to the feelings of loss and grief, even though it’s inevitable and expected. The good news is that it will get better over time, and you will eventually create a new normal for yourself.

Empty Nest Syndrome describes the grief a parent goes through when their youngest child leaves home. It can leave the parent feeling a whole spectrum of emotions, from sad and anxious to resentful and even depressed. The main reason for this reaction is the parent suddenly losing their sense of purpose. After years if not decades of very busy schedules and lives, they now find themselves not having much to do, that makes them feel very unimportant. If you’re going through something like that, remember that your role as a parent isn’t done, it’s only shifting to a different kind of parenting, that is just as valuable as ever.

Eventually, you’ll adjust and learn to live with a new routine that is focused less on other people and more on you. Here are some things you can do to make your empty nest feel full of life again.

1. Take time to adjust

Acknowledge that your kids leaving your home to start their adult lives is a major transition that requires some grace and patience. It’s an era in your life that is over and has to be grieved over, so don’t devalue your emotions, let yourself go through them. Finding positive aspects of the new era of your life can help to overcome the grief easier. The main gain here is time. You now have so much more of it, and it’s fun to find new uses for this resource. Whatever interests or hobbies you just never had time to do while you were a hands-on parent, can now be dusted off and taken on again.

2. You’re Still as Important as Ever

Your kid will forever be your kid and that’s not changing. They are taking more and more responsibility over their own lives, which means less responsibilities for you, but that’s just an adjustment. Certain things will stay constant – they’ll still look up to you, they’ll still see you as an important part of their lives.  

3. Give Yourself a Makeover

New chapter means a whole new look. You’ll feel excited and rejuvenated if you take on this project of trying a new haircut or updating your wardrobe. It will boost your confidence and lift your spirits. You’ll probably need more vacation style outfits with all the time you now have for traveling.

4. Spend Time with Friends Who Can Relate To What You’re Going Through

Don’t underestimate having your feelings validated by someone who knows what it’s like. Having a community and support can be very comforting and healing.

5. Focus on Your Happiness

Have you forgotten what it’s like to not focus on everyone else’s needs for once? It’s your time to shine again. What are your long-forgotten interests? What are some things you’d always wanted to do or trips you wanted to take but never could? Make a bucket list of everything you want to experience and get to work. It’s very good to have something that sparks anticipation, excitement and joy.

Possibilities are endless! You could go back to school, start a new career or travel the world, volunteer and give back to your community, and so much more.

Perhaps, you’ve neglected yourself long enough and no longer know what your hobbies and interests are, then you can take this time to explore new possibilities. Explore, ask your friends what they do, and maybe some of it will sound interesting enough for you to join in. In a way, this can be a very exciting time for you.

6. Come up with Meaningful Ways to Stay Connected with Your Children

Thankfully, we live in an age of widely accessible technology and can easily stay connected to our loved ones, wherever they are. Some say, they end up talking to their kids more than they ever had before, because of all the photos, videos, voice messages and facetiming that people use to stay in touch. The kids can show you video tours of their dorms, college area or just daily life, and you can share what you’re up to as well. Miles are no longer an obstacle when it comes to staying connected with your loved ones.   

The National Institute of Health (Bougea, Despoti, & Vsilopoulos, 2019) defines Empty-nest syndrome as a psychological condition that affects both parents, who experience feelings of grief, loss, fear, inability, difficulty in adjusting roles, and change of parental relationships, when children leave the parental home.

Caring for a child or several can take up all of your space and time, and it’s no wonder, that once the kids are all out the door, their absence creates a gaping void. Once you make an effort to deal with it, it won’t be as much of a burden over time. You’re entering a new chapter if your life, and you can find ways to make it exciting and full of joy for yourself. Honor your sadness and grief and the feelings of not having a purpose, and find ways to have fun, as there’s plenty to be had!