How To Find Self-Compassion In Your Twenties

Self-compassion means being gentle and gracious with yourself. You’re only human, and we all make mistakes. In fact, mistakes give us experiences that let us grow and improve, and this process should be honored as a necessary one. Personal growth isn’t necessarily linear, so try not to be angry with yourself when you happen to not be perfect.

Self-compassion is said to have three components:

1. Self-kindness
2. Recognizing one’s own humanity
3. Mindfulness

Self-kindness invites us to refrain from criticizing ourselves. All people experience pain and go through hardship, so give yourself grace and treat yourself as you would a dear friend or a loved one, in other words, recognize your own humanity. And mindfulness is about being present in the moment. Observe your experience, without judgement or expectations.

What are some ways to learn to go easier on yourself? Try these practices:

• Try to stay present as much as you can, have an awareness of what’s happening both around you and inside you. Let yourself feel your feelings, without suppressing or numbing them.
• Remember, it’s okay to be imperfect, we all are.
• Self-appreciation. You deserve all the best things in life just because you exist. Acknowledge your wins and growth and pat yourself on the back.
• Sometimes life gets hard, it’s a normal part of the process, and accepting it as a simple fact will help reduce some of the stress.

What is the Difference Between Self-Compassion and Compassion?

There is no significant difference. If you are capable of compassion for someone who’s in pain, be it your friend, family member, or a complete stranger who’s hurting, then you also have the capacity for self-compassion.

Think about a time when someone shared with you a sad or even tragic event from their life, what did it feel like to you? If your friend or sister is crying, does it move you or even make you cry, too? Compassion means we have the ability to understand the other person’s experience and give them space to feel their pain while not being alone. What would you say to someone who is going through it? You’d likely say something supportive validating and kind.

Then there’s self-compassion, which is about treating yourself with the same patience and kindness you would a loved one. When someone else is going through something unfortunate, you don’t immediately start listing all the ways they could’ve been better prepared for the situation or shame them for their troubles. You would much more likely offer words of support and encouragement. Try to remember how you speak to yourself in those moments. Are you patient or do you start criticizing yourself? We all know that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes time to time. But how do you react when you’ve made one?

Do you look in the mirror and think you’ve done the best you could, and that’s ok, or do you tell yourself that you’re too dumb? Do you see yourself as worthless or worthy?

Why Is Self-Compassion Important?

The way a person speaks and treats themselves can have a huge impact on their mental health and wellbeing. Research has found that self-compassion can help in:

• Decreasing anxiety
• Posttraumatic stress recovery
• Less negative thinking
• A sense of belonging or home
• Preventing caregiver burnout
• Promoting positive change
• Optimism
• Increasing feelings of happiness

How To Develop Self-Compassion

If you think or are told that you lack self-compassion, it’s nothing to worry about, because it’s a skill that can and should be taught. First, you can find out how self-compassionate you are using the Neff test and scale.  There are self-compassion exercises you can do to change the way you use self-talks.

Young adults are in the thick of learning about themselves, calculating their perceived worth as a person and can benefit from learning the practice of self-compassion. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, PhD, describes young adults as “the time from the end of adolescence to the young-adult responsibilities of a stable job, marriage and parenthood,” and goes on to explain that the transition between the two periods can be difficult to navigate. This can be quite a challenge for young people, and they can use all the help and support they can to navigate the transition into careers and family.

Many young adults find themselves in that state of uncertainty, that can be accompanied by overwhelming anxiety. Feeling inadequate can also lead to low self-esteem. Of course, people try to distance themselves from this discomfort and turn to escapism or numbing but bottling things up only amplifies the distress. For example, procrastination can ease stress and anxiety in the short-term, but the negative emotions build up in the subconscious long-term. Avoidance can lead a person to get stuck in a self-destructive cycle of anxiety and avoidance. Over time, the person will end up feeling worse as stress and anxiety levels go up.

Being a young person is a very distinct, unique experience. A personalized approach to navigating lack of certainty and guarantees can alleviate stress and anxiety. The stressful uncertainty of the future can’t be changed; but the way you experience it and the way it affects you can be changed by practicing self-compassion and acceptance. By developing your self-compassion, you can shift from self-judgment to self-kindness. Ultimately, alleviating anxiety and negative thinking as a way of making uncertainty more bearable for what it is – the unknown.