The Positives of Saying “No”

One of the hardest things for many of us to do is to tell someone no. It’s natural to be anxious about what they will say if we deny them their request, but it’s unhealthy to never put your own needs first. Saying no is actually one of the most respectful words you can tell someone.

Let’s say you ask someone to do a favor for you, and they say yes knowing full well that it will be impossible for them to accomplish it. Which would you prefer: that they say “yes” and let you down in the long run, or say “no” so that you can find an alternative? We would all choose the latter. So instead of giving away another yes that you can’t deliver, why not learn how to say no in a healthy way?

This article will help you understand the positives of saying no, and why it should become a regular word in your vocabulary.

1. Healthy Boundaries

Anyone dealing with anger management will tell you that one of the most important things is positive, assertive communication. One of the reasons that otherwise nice people “rage” is because they say yes to everything. It’s exhausting, but they keep giving in and getting upset. They bottle everything up, and eventually they explode. This anger doesn’t always look the way you might think. It often comes in the form of  sarcastic or biting comments meant to spite the other person. Consistently behaving this way to loved ones upsets them and can cause bitterness in the relationship. Learning to say no, however, can help stop these conflicts before they start, and encourage the building of healthy relationship boundaries.

Make no mistake. New things are difficult, and if saying no is new for you, it won’t be easy. But the sooner you start, the sooner you will begin to experience less long-term hurt and disappointment. People you say no to might be a little confused at first, and you should expect some pushback from those who aren’t used to hearing you say no. However, if someone continues to push your new boundaries, they may not be a real friend. The people who care will adjust and learn to respect your decisions.

Saying no can be scary, but it’s healthier for everyone in the long run. Being able to hold healthy boundaries and say no is a key part of any relationship, whether it’s a friend, partner or co-worker.

2. Work

Speaking of work relationships, one of the hardest places for people to say no is at work. They feel that they need to bow completely to their superiors in order to be successful, and never think of speaking up for themselves. While a strong work ethic is something to be admired, managers will often find the path of least resistance for getting things done. This means that they’ll give extra work to the most agreeable person, and it’s easy to become resentful when you feel like you’re doing more work than your co-workers. It also might make you resent your superiors for giving you work that frequently keeps you late while your co-workers leave on time every day.

If this situation sounds familiar, keep in mind that it’s very likely that your managers keep giving you more work because you don’t say no. It might be time to have a conversation about all the tasks on your plate. Ask them which thing they’d like you to prioritize getting done first, and give them a realistic timeline of how long it will take you to complete everything. This hands the decision making back to your superior and allows you to focus on one thing at a time.

When it comes time for you to go home, do it! And if you know that your workload is going to keep you late every night that week, ask for help. Having a healthy work-life balance is key. Speaking with your manager also shows that you are not afraid of them, and that you respect them. They will also respect you more for coming to them, instead of rolling over and doing everything alone. Often, the person who earns the promotion is not the one who does everything the boss says, but the one who earns respect. Think about that. Being unable to say no to superiors might actually be hurting your career!

3. Family

Your family can be some of the hardest people to say no to. If you’re a parent, it can be difficult for you to say no to your children because you want them to be happy and you want to give them the world. The next time you’re having a hard time saying no to your children, remember that it’s your responsibility to do what’s best for them. This isn’t always going to make them happy, but it will benefit them in the long run. There will be ups and downs in your relationship, but good parenting will always require saying no. It’s not your job to regulate how your child feels, and saying no will help them learn how to process and respond to disappointment in a healthy way.

On the flip side, it can be hard to say no to your parents as an adult. You love your parents and it’s natural to want to make their life as easy as possible as they age. After all, they raised you! But it’s just as important to have firm boundaries with your parents as it is with anyone else. If they’ve come to rely on you for a lot, then sitting down and having a conversation with them may be difficult. But it can prove to be immensely helpful in figuring out healthy dynamics for your relationship.

It is very important to find a balance that works best for you. Only saying yes or no is unhealthy. If you say yes to everything, you can become bitter and hurt. However, if you say no to everything, you can cause friction that leads to distance in relationships. Finding that balance will be beneficial for everyone in your life.

If you or a loved one are struggling with balancing your responsibilities to the point where it’s negatively impacting your life and your relationships, then reach out to us. Our counselors can help you learn how to set the boundaries you need.